Hey, my Squids! Was able to knock out a panel today so thought I would drop by with another step in the WIP for page 9.
I think one of the hardest parts for me while working on this story is trying to convey how much these characters mean to me. They were just a thought in my head one day and now I know their favorite colors, what they like to eat, their favorite jokes and movies, and what makes them sad. They’re not real people but they feel real. There was a point a few months ago, when Chapter 3 started, that I had a panic attack knowing I would draw the last night Leira and Saul were together, Saul’s death, and Leira seeing it, because I’ve lived every day with these characters for almost six years now. A lot of what they go through mirrors elements of my own life, so knowing that I am writing their heartache seats a guilt onto my heart that I can’t explain.
The truth is, if I could, I would pick someone else to take Saul’s place. I wouldn’t make Leira go through this. I know the ending. I know whether any of this was worth it. Whether Leira ever knows a world without a broken heart. Whether her family trauma, the band dissolving, Saul’s death, and the aftermath breaks her. And whether, in that reflection, as she looks back at me and sees so many of the same things hurting her sitting inside my own heart, we come to an understanding. I don’t know and, sometimes, while writing this, I’m scared I never will.
Anyway, thanks for reading. If you want to know what song is playing during this part of the story, listen to Lights “DAY TWO” from her A6 album. I like to think it plays until we return to the present in a few pages. At least that’s what I’ve been listening to while drawing these pages. I imagine it’s Leira wishing everything could just… be like when she was a kid… when her dad still loved her… when her mom was still there… when her brother didn’t hate her… and all the people she was yet to know were still alive. When she meant something to the people who were supposed to love her unconditionally. Maybe, one day, she will again.
Take care.